


A Neighborly Day For  A Beauty

by Ultimatefan



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Dorks in Love, F/M, References to Shakespeare, Shakespearean Language, henry learns new phrases!, ridiculous adorable 'fighting'
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-28
Updated: 2018-01-28
Packaged: 2019-03-10 15:45:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13504677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ultimatefan/pseuds/Ultimatefan
Summary: Neighbors Belle French and Claudius Gold were dating for a number of months when they suddenly refuse to communicate – except through posting signs in their adjacent windows. It’s rather clear that someone is going to have to talk some sense into these knuckleheads…





	A Neighborly Day For  A Beauty

**Author's Note:**

> Would you be mine?  
> Could you be mine? (*brownie points for people who get the reference in the title lol)
> 
> Inspired by an adorable Tumblr post that kept popping up with kids in a hospital putting up signs in their windows asking for pizza and then good samaritans would ACTUALLY send them pizza, but then OUAT fandom escalated this concept into 'gee, what if a favorite ship were 'fighting', and would only communicate via signs in their windows??' and i was like YES PLEASE, GIVE ME ALL OF THAT XD
> 
> Rated T for Shakespearean language cause... Shakespeare's hard and not for kiddies lol
> 
> …In case anyone’s wondering, no, you will never find out what exactly these dorks were fighting about; y’all get to use your imaginations :D
> 
> Posting this in advance to celebrate my birthday this year!! (Jan. 31st!) I'll be visiting bf in Texas on my ACTUAL birthday and I'll be busy for a huge portion of this trip (and NOT entirely for the reasons you're probably thinking XD)
> 
> Lastly, I ACTUALLY HAD A BETA FOR THIS FIC!!!  
> HUGE shoutout to jesusrocks of FF to editing the absolute crap out of this thing to make it publishable! XD
> 
> Enjoy, dearies!!

The most interesting piece of news to make its way through Storybrooke’s gossip chain in quite a while was Belle French and Mister Claudius Gold dating each other. Everyone knew the two were neighbors, but neither of them ventured out of their houses other than walking to work Monday through Friday.

What exactly happened between them?

The only clue given to the townsfolk was one particular night they went to Granny’s together. Mr. Gold took Belle’s hand and placed a gentlemanly kiss on her knuckles, to which she blushed crimson before promptly throwing her arms around his neck and kissing him on the lips in front of all the patrons in the diner. From that point on, they were inseparable when they were outside of their houses.

This was going on for _months_ , making the townspeople almost nauseous with how ridiculously affectionate they were being, even down to feeding each other bites of food when they went to Granny’s like one would see in an incredibly cheesy romance novel. Clearly there was a _huge_ spark there, given the way they looked at each other when talking, the way they would blush when they saw the other approaching (especially Belle), and things of that nature. Given all their cuteness, it was indeed quite the surprise when, one night, they walked to their individual houses together in total silence, parted ways, entered their houses, and slammed the doors behind them, much to the shock of their neighbors.

What on _Earth_ could’ve happened?

At first, nobody thought too hard about this until it became apparent Mr. Gold was _not_ coming out of his house. Not for groceries, not to go to his pawnshop, absolutely _nothing_ . Belle was the only one coming out of her house that week to walk to the library. After all, as the head librarian at Storybrooke Library, she didn’t have much of a choice; however, it was remarkably obvious she was making sure Mr. Gold wasn’t _anywhere_ to be seen before stepping out to go to the library, even though she had to pass his house in order to get to work.

Even after a couple of weeks, Mr. Gold still wasn’t coming out of his house much; and when he did, it wasn’t easy to witness. As much as the people of the town didn’t care for Mr. Gold, it was remarkably sad to see the normally put-together, stern-faced Mr. Gold become more and more depressed by the day despite his attempts to hide it. He drove into town (or other places) in his black Cadillac instead of walking everywhere like he used to do, despite the use of a cane. On the other hand, Belle didn’t seem to be doing too badly. She had either completely gotten over Mr. Gold, or she was _damn_ good at hiding her sadness. People who attended the library highly suspected the latter given the way her eyes would sometimes glaze over when putting books back on shelves and coworkers would occasionally see her sitting in her office at her desk with her head down, buried in her arms, her back and shoulders quivering with what looked to be crying.

It seemed there would be no end to the two of them being miserable wrecks until, one day, something changed. In one of Mr. Gold’s windows (one that faced Belle’s house, of course) was a sign:

 _“Why won’t you respond to my texts?”_ it read.

The sign was up for a couple of days before a similar sign popped up in Belle’s window (one that faced Mr. Gold’s house, of course):

 _“I’ve blocked your phone number”_ it read.

Gold’s eyes rolled so far back they nearly disappeared into his head upon reading this. For God’s sake, he _knew_ she was mad at him, but blocking his number? Come _on_ ! He hadn’t blocked _her_ number even though he found himself a bit peeved at her; they were _adults_ for crying out loud!

Well, fine, if he couldn’t text her, he’d just email her instead… ‘ _Message could not be sent’_ .  …Was she _serious_ ? Did she honestly block his _email_ too? He barely used it, let alone to contact Belle! He rolled his eyes yet again as he wrote another sign in big, black sharpie letters and put it in his window:

 _“Did you block my email, too?”_ it read.

A good five hours or so went by before a reply was seen:

 _“Send me snail mail instead!”_ Belle’s fancy handwriting read.

Mr. Gold couldn’t help but pinch the bridge of his nose in frustration. Interestingly, one of the things they’d been (apparently) fighting about was their age difference. He was convinced she took derogatory comments he was making about _himself_ and _his_ age as things he didn’t like about _her_ , as if he thought she were ‘too young’ or something along those lines.

He sighed, the whole argument went by so quickly he forgot most of what was actually said, he just knew he was frustrated and needed some space at the time. Except it turned into this morose period of them not speaking at _all_ , and he still wasn’t sure what to do about it. Regardless, he wrote yet _another_ sign and placed it in his window:

“ _That’s ridiculous, we’re_ _neighbors_ _!_ ” he scrawled.

Unlike the other times where he had to wait for a response from her, this one not only came damn near instantly, but he even visibly saw Belle reacting to his words. Her lips puckered like she’d just tasted a lemon; clearly pouting childishly. As much as he wanted to laugh at the rather humorous expression he restrained himself, simply watching her write out a reply and reading the sign with a neutral expression.

 _“Tough_ ~~ _sh_~~ _luck!”_  it read.

Thankfully, at this particular moment, Belle stormed away and left her response in the window for him to read without so much as a second glance at him. This time, he stumbled, almost falling over laughing. He didn’t catch it at first, but upon looking at her sign for a second time, he noticed she _clearly_ intended to write ‘ _shit_ ’ next to the word ‘ _Tough_ ’, but chose instead to essentially censor herself, crossing out the ‘ _sh_ ’ she had started writing, opting for the word ‘ _luck_ ’ instead.

He wrote his next sign with a smile playing at the corner of his mouth.

“ _What if I find sending messages this way more amusing?_ ” he wrote.

He was thankful the words all fit on the sign _and_ were still legible. He knew about ‘character limits’ from other social media sites (none of which he used for himself), but _this_ was definitely pushing it.

***********

Belle didn’t bother responding to Gold’s message until the next day.

She thought Gold was incredibly witty with his dark humor popping up when she least expected it, he was _remarkably_ smooth (most of the time anyways) between the way he walked and talked, and _oh_ how she loved his cheeky smile… _mmm_ … but she was _mad_ at him right now! Yes! She was--

Was she _really_ mad at him though? She couldn’t stay mad at him for too long-- No. No! She _wasn’t_ doing that again! Granted, she’d never been fully _angry_ with him before; maybe at most a bit _frustrated_ , and she would usually brush it off pretty quickly, but _this_ was something she would hold her ground on for sure. _God_ he was being such an ass! She took a deep breath in, then let it out with an annoyed-sounding _huff_ aimed upward, which blew a lock of her hair out of place.

“ _You are pigeon liver’d and lack gall_ ” she wrote angrily on a new sign.

Either way, the stubborn man had to get his head out of his arse at _some_ point, didn’t he?

**************

While the two bickering lovebirds were audibly and silently _bickering_ , one young Henry Mills happened to be walking by Belle’s house to go to the library. Something different about one of the windows of her house happened to catch his eye, there was a… sign? Even more, the language used _definitely_ wasn’t modern English… none that _he_ had seen anyways. Frankly, it was _just_ foreign enough to pique his interest. He took note of it, rehearsing the line to himself all the way to the library where he planned to look it up online and see if it came from somewhere. Knowing Belle, it _had_ to be from a novel he wasn’t aware of given how terribly smart she was.

If it weren’t for the fact she and the elusive Mr. Gold had been making… _eyes_ (yuck) at each other for the past couple months or so, he’d potentially even have a bit of a crush on her. After all, she _was_ incredibly pretty, almost everybody in the town liked her, and why wouldn’t they? She was outgoing once one took the time to talk to her about a subject she was passionate about (which was _a lot_ of things, by the way), and her smile could turn the largest of frowns upside down in an instant. He moved past the small crush he had on her, but he still admired her greatly and wanted to be as smart as she was when he grew older.

On that note, he couldn’t _wait_ to figure out what those words meant…

*****************

When Claudius Gold got home from work, he noticed her response to his words. Oh, how _mature_ … then again, it didn’t surprise him one bit Belle knew Shakespearean insults; he’d bet his life on the fact she’d read plenty of Shakespeare in the past. Even more so, when he thought deeper on it, he didn’t know her favorite book! How could he not know that?! What kind of boyfriend was he that he didn’t know his _librarian_ girlfriend’s favorite book?!

Ahh, ‘ _boyfriend_ ’… the term still felt a touch strange thinking about it, let alone _saying_ it out loud given the fact he felt too old to be using the term, but with her it felt more _right_ than anything. He shook his head, taking him out of his reverie. After all, he had to respond, didn’t he?

“ _Oh how_ original _! A jab at my name! Am I one whom you ‘_ toll _’ for then?_ ” he inscribed.

Thankfully there was _just_ enough space for his words… That was an even closer call than before! He’d have to be more careful, it wasn’t as if they were emailing back and forth and had _plenty_ of space to work with…

************

Belle’s response took almost no time at all once she got back from a hard day’s work at the library.

“ _That doesn’t even make_ _any sense_ _!_ ” she scrawled after violently facepalming at the ridiculousness of his statement.

For goodness sake, did he have _no_ knowledge of Shakespeare?

…Well, then again, he _did_ know a little seeing as he knew the parallel between the quote she threw at him and his first name, but how much did he know beyond that? She’d _very_ much have to fix that next time he dropped by the-- _No_ ! She shook her head at herself. She was supposed to be _mad_ at him right now!

Well, on the bright side, at least she got to see the adorable Henry Mills at the library today hard at work on one of the computers. He was remarkably eloquent for an eleven-year-old boy, and, if he kept up his studies, would surely grow up to be quite the well-spoken gentleman.

While thinking about Henry, her mind drifted towards Claudius’ son, Neil. She had yet to meet him, on account of him being at his mother’s house for the summer (shared custody and all that), but she couldn’t help but feel like Neil was incredibly charming and every bit of the rascal his father was, whether he wanted to admit it or not.

It had taken her a while, but when she _finally_ got him to open up about his son, Claudius was an entirely different person and she fell in love with him all over again. He gushed about his little boy for over an hour, talking with those incredibly expressive hands of his and, to her shame, her mind went in a bit of a naughty direction while watching all of it play out and it had taken almost all of her self control not to jump him right then and there.

Belle blushed bright red upon recalling this and picked up a random book to read to snap herself out of it. Of _all_ the times for her mind to go in the gutter, it _had_ to be when they were _fighting_ ! What was _wrong_ with her?!

She had to stop thinking about him for the rest of her evening for the sake of her sanity.

************

The next day after school, Henry passed Belle’s house once again and saw the absolutely ridiculous responses Belle and Mr. Gold had mounted in their windows. He couldn’t help but snort with laughter. _Oh_ these two…

Thankfully it reminded him of what he wanted to achieve at the library that afternoon, aside from getting a chunk of a book report done for school: he wanted to borrow some Shakespeare novels from the library. He heard from older kids Shakespeare was ‘boring’ and ‘difficult to read’, but he was willing to give them a chance. He practically felt smarter just _thinking_ about borrowing them from the library! Henry held his head a little higher as he headed to the library, barely containing his excitement.

**************

Belle couldn’t help but smile triumphantly to herself when she saw Claudius’ window display the words “ _Fair point_ ” in response to her previous statement. Ha! She was _winning_! She thought to herself.

She’d had a rather interesting day with a lot of children coming in to finish schoolwork, but the most interesting moment of all was seeing Henry Mills checking out _Shakespearean plays_ from the library, of all things.

She would consider him a bit… _young_ to be reading Shakespeare in her opinion, since the language could be difficult for him, but she shrugged it off, not wanting to discourage the lad from finding something that interested him. Next time she could recommend some Mark Twain or Ronald Dahl books instead. There were Dahl books that would appeal more to his age range… She wouldn’t deny his clear intelligence above others his age, but she still didn’t want him to grow up _too_ quickly…

She chuckled to herself a bit. Speaking of Shakespeare…        

“ _The tartness of your face sours grapes!_ ” she penned with a smirk.

She mounted the new sign in her window with a satisfied nod. Take _that,_ you stubborn man! She thought.

***************

Mr. Gold had to admit, even though they were having their first real fight as a couple, this was the most amusing fight he’d ever had with anyone and couldn’t take it one hundred percent seriously given the increasing levels of ridiculousness. She was now resorting to _Shakespearean insults_ , and frankly he couldn’t get enough of this.

“ _I’ll_ _definitely_ _give you that one, Ms. French_ ” he wrote with a chuckle.

She wanted to be formal? That was perfectly fine with him.

*****************

Henry left the library not much later than Belle, figuring he finished enough schoolwork for the day. Frankly, he wanted to go home and play some video games. He started reading _Hamlet_ while he was at the library and _man_ were those older kids right…it _was_ tough to read and even made his head hurt a little at times, but he wasn’t the type to let some difficulty discourage him. Belle had very sweetly recommended he read _Romeo and Juliet_ as that was a typical first Shakespearean play to read in school, but he politely turned her down. Normally, he’d read _anything_ she recommended to him, but he _really_ didn’t want to read a sappy romance… _yuck_.

It took him a bit of research and reading bits of dialogue multiple times, but he believed he was getting close to understanding how the language worked. He was even beginning to see the appeal of the so-called ‘Shakespearean insults’ he was learning about. Granted, he looked up quite a few online since he wasn’t at the point where _Hamlet_ would start delivering funny-sounding insults yet, but he thought they were _great_ and couldn’t wait to show them to his friends at school.

On his way home, he couldn’t help but do a little happy dance in his head upon seeing yet another Shakespearean insult posted in her window.

He chuckled to himself. It was a bit… _weaker_ than some of the other insults he’d found in his research, but Mr. Gold’s response only made it that much funnier and made him sound surprisingly likeable… maybe he ought to try and get to know Mr. Gold a bit more. After all, Mr. Gold did seem like a loner, especially now that he and Belle weren’t talking to each other (aside from their ridiculous signs). If he knew how to retort to Shakespearean insults, he _definitely_ earned some respect in Henry’s eyes.

He walked on, figuring he could look up some more insults tomorrow after school…

****************

It was astonishing how quickly Belle responded to Mr. Gold’s message that time. He merely left the room, took a shower and started getting ready for bed a bit early when he noticed her newest sign:

“ _I thought we were past the first name basis by now!”_ it said.

He could _hear_ her spitting the words in his face as he read them. He groaned and rolled his eyes a bit, scrawling yet another sign:

“ _I thought we were, too._ ” He wrote.

For goodness sake, this woman _very_ easily took things the wrong way, didn’t she? After all, _she_ was the one who started this overly-formal writing, wasn’t she? _Oy vey_ …

****************

Much to Henry’s amusement, the Writing Of The Signs went on for _weeks_ , with Belle and Mr. Gold writing all kinds of jabs and barbs ranging from harsh to playful to ridiculous. In the meantime, Henry began teaching his friends a bunch of Shakespearean insults and they were having _great_ fun spouting the adult-sounding insults to one another while confusing their peers, which only made them laugh harder at their new inside jokes.

As much fun as he was having however, he was starting to feel bad for Belle and Mr. Gold… they were clearly fighting about… _something_ if they were refusing to talk to each other for _this long._

But what were they fighting about? He didn’t know what adults bickered about; so what could those two _possibly_ have to bicker about? They had been getting along _perfectly_ until… _something_ happened. Whatever _it_ was, he hated seeing Belle sad, and despite rarely seeing Mr. Gold in public, he was growing more and more fond of the man as he was getting to know him through the signs he posted for Belle to read.

For God’s sake, the two nerds moved past Shakespearean insults, and were now onto _other_ references he figured he was a bit too young to know about a couple of days ago… Miss Belle wrote something about Mr. Gold’s ‘mother being a hamster’ and his father ‘smelled of elderberries’, whatever ‘ _elderberries_ ’ even were… Frankly, he _agreed_ with Mr. Gold’s response of “ _Are you even_ trying _anymore?_ ” Really, _was_ she trying anymore? The entire argument seemed to be moving from genuine insults to… whatever was going on at this point.

It was time _somebody_ did something about this, and it might as well be him.

****************

Belle had a rough day of missing Claudius so much her heart ached after she woke up one morning, but overhearing Henry in the library with his friends later that day helped cheer her right up.

_Belle was hard at work, pushing around the library cart and putting away books when she suddenly passed the ‘teen’ section and overheard Henry:_

_“Thou art as fat as butter!” he declared in a ridiculous British accent to one of his shorter friends next to him._

_She could barely hold in her laughter at how humorous it all sounded, and was also happy Henry was getting something out of the play he was reading, even if it was just the insults._

_“Oh yeah?” one of the boys began in a challenging tone, “thou lump of foul deformity!” the boy practically crowed._

_“You poor, base, rascally, cheating lack-linen mate!” another one said, with the boys ‘oooh-ing’ and ‘ahhh-ing’ at the deeper complexity of the line._

_These were the days Belle lived for: seeing and hearing people find joy in reading and sharing it with others, no matter how…_ crude _it could be._

Belle knew she’d hold this memory close to her heart. She was glad to see Henry coming out of his shell a bit more, even if a bit unconventionally.

She smiled as she took her damp hair out of the towel it had been wrapped in. A nice, hot shower at the end of a long day always made her feel more relaxed and it was nice to go to bed feeling clean. She began dressing in her typical negligee when she heard her doorbell ring. Belle cursed. She _knew_ she shouldn’t have put on pajamas early, but it was too good to resist despite being only six o’ clock in the evening! Who could possibly be at her door?

She hurriedly threw on a robe, pulled the sash tight, and ran to the door, yelling “Just a moment!” a moment before getting there. She took a deep breath in and out to compose herself, and opened the door to find… Henry Mills? He seemed to blush a bit, his eyes going wide when she opened her door. What on _Earth_ was he doing at her house?

She was about to do just that, when he interjected.

“I--” he began, and cleared his throat when his voice cracked a little. “Look, I can tell you and Mr. Gold have been fighting. I’ve seen the signs… _literally_!” he argued.

Belle couldn’t help but blush a little. Oh my…she had been _so_ caught up in their little spat it hadn’t occurred to her other townsfolk in Storybrooke could catch a glimpse of the signs she and Claudius had been putting in their windows… If they continued in this fashion, she’d have to be much more careful about what she was writing, that was for sure…

“I haven’t talked to Mr. Gold all that much but I can _tell_ he misses you and, well, I think you miss him too. Miss Belle…I hate seeing you sad. _Please_ talk to him again!” He said determinedly.

“I… alright…” she said bashfully.

She smiled at him. She couldn’t help but admire Henry’s kindness, even if he was a bit awkward about it. But then again, what eleven-year-old _wouldn’t_ be a bit awkward when telling adults to fix their love lives?

“I’ll talk to him when I can, Henry. Now go home to your mother…Regina must be worried sick!” she half-scolded, ruffling Henry’s hair playfully.

Henry nodded and she watched as he bounded off towards his house. Maybe it was time to put a stop to this nonsense once and for all…

************

After a couple of weeks, there were no signs to be seen. Henry was bummed at first since the barbs in their windows had become a fun routine to his day, but he was immediately pacified when he saw Belle and Mr. Gold talking again while sitting on a park bench. Even if the speech seemed a little stilted and awkward from far away. To be fair, they hadn’t talked face-to-face in _weeks_ and he thought _anybody_ would feel a little awkward after that kind of experience.

He hadn’t seen a whole lot in general, but one day he knew things took a turn for the positive when he saw a new sign in Mr. Gold’s window on his way to the library:

“ _Will you marry me_?” it said in fine script.

Henry smiled and continued past the house when he heard a loud _SQUEE_  behind him. Startled, he turned around to see Mr. Gold had stepped outside, taking barely a couple steps towards Belle’s house when she came barreling outside, running towards him with vigor. She practically knocked him over with a highly enthusiastic

“YES!”

They were so wrapped up in each other they didn’t notice Henry watching the whole affair, the boy getting teary-eyed in spite of himself as Belle began to tear up herself. She held out her left hand for Mr. Gold to slip a ring on her finger that sparkled so bright even Henry could see it. Belle looked at Mr. Gold with such happiness Henry was convinced he’d find a cavity in his mouth when he got to the library. He decided to keep walking when Belle suddenly flung her arms around Mr. Gold, pulling him into a _very_ passionate kiss.

He blushed a little, and softly mused: “Go, ye giddy geese!”

       

THE END

 


End file.
